The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
