Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
