I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
