he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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