There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
