i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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