That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
