So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
