Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
