id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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