Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Someone came in the potted fern
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
