i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
