Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
