she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fuck appropriateness.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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