just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
