i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
