Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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