Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Drake has all the answers
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
