How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
