his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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