He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
