May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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