I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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