so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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