I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
