What a fucking waste of an outfit
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
