stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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