Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
