is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
