You don't have asthma, your pregnant
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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