I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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