dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
