Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
