Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just puked most of my soul out..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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