Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
