She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
