My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
