Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
whose parrot is this?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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