So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
