2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
