who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
whose parrot is this?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am naked and annoyed.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
