apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My life is pants optional.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
