I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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