I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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