is wine microwaveable?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
