Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
