I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize