you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
