i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
