Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize