I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
