idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I forget how to act sober
Randomize