all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i think i just lost a toe
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
