Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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