Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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