The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
