if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
