Where did you get a picture of my penis
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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