After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
