She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
