I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
