Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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