Umm I'm too high to move.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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