Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
