Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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