i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize