Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i believe in u and ur pee
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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