He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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