I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize