Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
