So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
