Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
