I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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