She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
