Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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