yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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