considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
