Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
