if only i could text you this smell
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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