did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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