I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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