Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
