he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
