They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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