Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
