i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
