I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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