I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
