just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
