Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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