I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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