Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
