I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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