i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
