It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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