Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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