He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize