so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
