I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize