the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
