So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
