remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
