I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
