I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
