We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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