dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
