I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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