I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
