Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize