I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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